A re-post from an earlier blog entry…..
It was a usual weekend for me. Get off from work, do some hot yoga with my neighbor, stay up late at the beach party…then party the next night. But this weekend would end in an unimaginable way.
It would haunt me for years.
My sister had introduced me to a guy who I’d been going out with for about two weeks. He was good-looking, played soccer, and knew how to have a good time. We didn’t know each other that well, but I had started to enjoy the attention from him and the excitement of driving around in his sports car. In my eyes, it was all just fun and games.
We were invited to a party, so of course I went along. I don’t remember where it was or who was there, just that it was a good time and I had fun. After a few hours, he asked me if I would like to go back to his friend’s house for an after party with a few other people. So I did. We all watched TV together, and had a couple more drinks. The last drink I remember having before everyone left the room was Captain Morgan and Coke. It wasn’t my favorite, but it was a drink, so I took it. By the time I had almost finished it, I realized we were alone and that there was a bed in the room.
It was like a horror film, where you can only see moments of the screen and actor’s faces. Everything went black, and I was scared. I knew something wasn’t right, and I couldn’t scream or stop what was happening. Lights! I could see the room, and I was on the bed. The guy I thought I could trust was trying to have sex with me. I tried to push him off, but felt so weak. Plunging back into the dark I could hear myself screaming now. “Get off me! Stop!” It was useless. Lights went on once more, and I was in pain. A blazing, burning pain. I knew there must be something wrong. Before I could sit up and see what was happening once more, I fell into a deep sleep, darkness caving in….
and the dream I thought I was in, vanished.
Morning light crept through the blinds. I sat up, sweating. What in the world did I dream about? And then I saw it.
It was all over the sheets that covered the bed I was laying on. My stomach turned. I suppressed throwing up. Questions raced through my mind. What happened? Where is everyone? Am I ok? Was that a dream? Where did this blood come from? The facts were there…it was mine. But I refused to believe it.
I tore off the sheets and threw them in the trash. Fearful of what anyone else would think if they saw me in such a state. Nothing happened, I told myself.
I don’t remember how I got home, or if I even saw anyone else who had come over the previous night. All I remember was the pain – and the thought that kept playing in my head…nothing happened…nothing happened…nothing happened…nothing happened…nothing happened.
I must have repeated that phrase a million times. It became truth to me.
And Th3 Mov3r Mov3d On